


for you i'd do it all over again

by younghoed



Category: ATEEZ (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Decisions, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 21:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19963408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younghoed/pseuds/younghoed
Summary: After two years in the relationship, Hongjoong thinks he might need to take a break from Mingi.





	for you i'd do it all over again

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bad at writing but this is my contribution for minjoong nation!

Hongjoong loves Mingi. Both of them have been dating since his second year of the degree and Hongjoong must admit that having Mingi around in his life makes a law degree doesn’t sound that stressful even though he only slept for four hours per day, drinking coffee instead of actual food or crying at 12 a.m because he feeling burnt out. But at least he has Mingi to force him to go to sleep. Mingi will make sure he ate an actual meal, not some instant noodles or granola bar and whenever he feels so tired or stressed out, he knew there would be Mingi waiting for him at their home. Reassured him that everything will be okay and try to cheer him up.

Unfortunately, Mingi loves and attention makes Hongjoong feels that he doesn't contribute anything in their relationship. Hongjoong has been thinking for days that he needs to break up with Mingi. Hongjoong feels he kept dragging Mingi to help him with his own bullshit. Mingi barely complains about his studies or whatever that happening in his life to Hongjoong. Hongjoong knew Mingi kept all his problems to himself and Hongjoong thinks it is not fair for Mingi. He always burdening Mingi with all his problems but Mingi never asked anything for return. Mingi never makes him feel uneasy or worried about him for once.

When Jaehyun, his classmates for the Contract Law told him about the transfer program, Hongjoong think this is a way out for him to break up with Mingi, he can use the long-distance relationship will not work well or any other excuses but at least he is 10 hours flight away from Mingi and of course it will always be his dream to study at oversea and this kind of opportunity won’t come easily. Hongjoong wrote neatly ‘If I get any chance to do my study abroad. Grab it.’ on his planner.

And Mingi knows about it, so maybe this is the most reasonable reason for Hongjoong to break up with Mingi without hurting his boyfriend that much.

Hongjoong is so happy when he found out that his application is successful, and he will finish his remaining two semesters in America. He reads the email for few times before texting his mom to share the good news. He then calls Jaehyun, and when he hears Jaehyun screaming happily. Hongjoong knows that Jaehyun’s application is also successful.

_“Is Mingi okay about this?”._

Hongjoong stays silent for a few seconds, he doesn’t know how to tell Mingi about this news. 

_“You haven't told him yet, didn't you?”_. Jaehyun said when he noticed the silence.

“I - I don't know how to tell him, Jae. I don’t think both of us can do this ldr thingy.” Hongjoong tells. He can hear Jaehyun chuckling on the other side.

_“Joong, you know the main reason why I applying for this transfer program right?”_

Hongjoong knows damn well, even if Jaehyun wouldn't tell him, he will figure out on his own. Of course, Jaehyun wants to be closer with his boyfriend Johnny. Hongjoong doesn't know much about Johnny. Other than he is tall, handsome and now working in America after finishing his degree.

 _“I know Mingi loves you, he will be okay about this, Hongjoong. Just tell him and discuss it.”_ Jaehyun said when Hongjoong remains silent.

Hongjoong doesn't follow Jaehyun's advice. In fact, he kept avoiding Mingi. Hongjoong keeps giving excuses to not spending time with Mingi. Hongjoong kept cancelling every single little plan that Mingi plans for both of them. His text also gets shorter. When Mingi sending him a text full of a trace of love, Hongjoong doesn't even bother to reply as soon as he can. Hongjoong knows that he is being unfair to Mingi. He should talk to him. But, Hongjoong keeps remind himself that this is better for both of them. For him.

✦

Mingi loves Hongjoong. He loves everything about the shorter man and both of them shares everything that happens in their lives with each other, and when he found out about this news not from Hongjoong but from his senior who takes the same class with Hongjoong that he met during his weekly club meeting, of course, he is disappointed but right now he is furious why the hell Hongjoong want to hide this from him and Mingi is not dumb to realize that his boyfriend keep acting weirdly and differently since last month. Mingi unlocked their shared apartment and then he sees Hongjoong sitting on the couch, typing something on his laptop probably typing his assignment because there are a bunch of papers and folders scattering around the coffee tables

“Hey babe, you are early than usual. You don’t have any studying session with Yunho today?” Hongjoong asks. His eyes and fingers still focusing on his laptop. Mingi bites his lips try to stay calm and not yelling to Hongjoong. He barely gets mad at his boyfriend and they rarely fight; this is might the first time he feels angry at Hongjoong.

“When you planning to tell me that you applying to transfer your degree to States? When will you tell me that your application is successful and you will leave me? Am I not important to you?”

Hongjoong slowly puts his laptop on the coffee table and walks to Mingi who still standing in front of the main door.

“Mingi, I can explain,” Hongjoong replied. “I planning to tell you when the times are right, I’m so sorry. I should tell you sooner.”

Mingi stares at Hongjoong’s eyes trying to figure out what in his mind, but all Mingi can see black, lifeless orbs. “When, Joong?” Mingi pauses. “When you are on the way to the airport?”

“I’m sorry Mingi, but it’s not like I will leave tomorrow. I’m leaving next year, Exactly seven months from now. You don’t deserve to be mad at me.” Hongjoong said softly.

Mingi gritted his teeth before answering. “I deserve to be angry, you have behaving weirdly lately, and then I found out about this? Please, if you have anything that you kept in dark from me, please tell me.”

“I want a _breakup_ , Mingi.”

Mingi laughs nervously because he knew Hongjoong just being overdramatic as usual, just like one time when he got flu, but he kept whining that he was dying. But he is afraid that Hongjoong might be serious because he is fidgeting nervously and there is no sign of cheekiness on his face. Hongjoong is serious.

“Babe, you know that I’m not that mad at you right? I love you no matter what happens.”

Hongjoong let out a heavy breath. “Maybe you should be mad at me and maybe you should stop loving me.”

Mingi feels his world has been crashing down, this is nonsense there is no way Hongjoong wants to break up with him just because of this one little thing. Maybe his boyfriend is not feeling well or feeling stressed. Hongjoong loves him, he won’t do this to him.

“You are being overdramatic babe, I’m going to Yunho’s place so you can think again what you just said.”

Mingi leans down to press a kiss to Hongjoong’s cheek. He can feel his lover froze and uneasiness when he kisses him, but Mingi pushed down all the thought because he loves Hongjoong.

They don’t discuss it when Mingi gets home.

✦

Both of them acts likes nothing happens and just resume to their normal life. The only difference Mingi knew that Hongjoong will leave him whenever he can and the last thing that Mingi wants to do is said anything that will make Hongjoong repeated what he had said before.

Mingi tried to keep the conversation going, he tried to make jokes to lighten up the mood when both of them knew that there is something wrong between them. Hongjoong stops kissing Mingi before he lefts to his class and Mingi stops putting up sweet notes on the fridges when he left to the campus early. The silenced took over; lingering their home. Their shared apartment used to be the best place on earth for both of them. It always filled with their laugh and lingering with happiness and love. But now, the silence took over, and underneath the silence, they could feel a billion-thought roaming around. Thought that they can say out loud to each other. But none of them spoke a word. Their home feels quite but also so loud that they can hear their own hearts shattering.

The silent stops and been replaced with their fight

Both of them start to fight over the smallest thing. Hongjoong yells when Mingi accidentally placed the cereal on the highest shelves. Mingi grips Hongjoong wrist possessively and screams at the shorter because Hongjoong didn't tell him that he will spend the night at Seonghwa's place. They stop talking but start yelling and screaming at each other. They stop sleeping in their shared bedroom. Sometimes Mingi sleeps in the extra room that they change to their study room. Hongjoong sleeps on the couch in their living room or spends the night at Jaehyun place. Jaehyun stops asking about what is happening when Hongjoong never starts answering his question, they even act like strangers when they bumped into each other. Hongjoong greets Yunho happily when he saw both Yunho and Mingi on the campus but treated like Mingi is a stranger. Everyone asks what is happening but neither of them is answering.

✦

“Hyung, I had enough,” Mingi slowly grabbing Hongjoong’s arms. Hongjoong is packing fresh clothes to bring to Jaehyun's house. “We need to _talk_. Sleep here tonight, don’t go to Jaehyun’s place.”

Hongjoong ripped his hands away and spun back around to face Mingi. Hongjoong notices that Mingi looks different, He looks paler. This has been the first time he is this close to Mingi since their fights.

“There is nothing to talk about Mingi.”

“Because you don't want to talk about it! I didn't do anything wrong, but you treated me like shit. You barely home. You are the one who suddenly said that you want to break up.” Mingi replies frustratedly.

“I want to _break up_ , Mingi. I have been saying this for few times.” Hongjoong whispered

“Because of what? I told you, I don’t care if you are far away from me. I don't care. We can _make it work_ , Hongjoong."

“Because I don’t love you anymore! I fall out of love with you!” Hongjoong exclaimed. He dug his nails harder in his palms. He continues. “So, let’s break up Mingi. I don’t love you anymore.”

Mingi looks at Hongjoong disbelievingly. “You are lying. You love me.”

Hongjoong looks down. He can see his shaking hands.”I loved you. _Loved,_ past tense.”

“Maybe when you can look me in the face when you say that, I will actually believe you. I love you, present tense.” Mingi voices shook horribly and he slowly touches Hongjoong’s face.

Hongjoong doesn’t move when Mingi touches his face. Mingi stares Hongjoong face. The face that he loves to see every time he wakes up in the morning. The face he wants to share all of his happiness. The face that he wants to come home to.

“Future tense, whatever bloody tense that you want. Baby, please….”

Hongjoong remains cold. “Don’t make this more difficult Mingi. For both of us.”

“I did everything right,” Mingi managed a watery smile.

“You did”

“Stay with me- please. I need you.” Mingi said.

“I don’t need you!” Hongjoong yelled, eyes blurred with tears. “I don’t care!”

“Okay,” Mingi said quietly, which shocked Hongjoong. _Please, it shouldn’t be this quick._

His Mingi won’t give up this easily, his Mingi will try to make everything right again.

“Because I’m done.” Mingi then went to their shared bedroom to pack his stuff and when he did and ready to leave their home Mingi looks at Hongjoong, he still standing quietly in their living room, looking down as he afraid that he will make eye contact with Mingi.

“Don’t pretend that I didn’t fight for you. Because I did.” Mingi then left their home.

Hongjoong finally breaks down, he knows he can't fix this because this is what he wants, he can stop Mingi from leaving their home, their safe sanctuary but Hongjoong is the one who ruins it so he doesn’t deserve any right to stop Mingi from leaving him. But his heart hurt so much he can that his heart fell apart and he knows that he also breaks Mingi heart and scattered it even though all Mingi did is loving him with all his heart.

And when Mingi left, the house doesn't feel like home anymore.

✦

Hongjoong feels like shit when he wakes up without Mingi beside him, Hongjoong cried again. He skipped his class that day. He only stares his phone even though Jaehyun and Seonghwa keep spamming the group chats asking his whereabouts because Kim Hongjoong, who always get a high GPA in every semester never skipped class. Not even when he is sick. Hongjoong doesn't want to meet anyone today and he doesn't want to see Mingi at the campus although his faculty is far away from Mingi’s.

Later that afternoon someone comes to his apartment. Hongjoong is cursing when he heard the doorbell. He knows that must be Jaehyun or Seonghwa and he is ready to yell at them for disturbing his self-loathing session.

When he opens the door, he doesn't expect its Yunho standing in front of his door, with a smile. “ Hi hyung, Mingi sends me to pick up his stuff.”

He couldn't even bother to pick up his stuff himself.

“Oh yeah, come in,” Hongjoong replied and shows Yunho the room he used to share with Mingi.

“I will help you packed.” Hongjoong offer.

“Thanks, hyung.”

Mingi already brings some of his stuff yesterday so the only things they need to pack are Mingi school stuff and the rest of his clothes. It only took them 20 minutes to finish packing.

“Hyung, can I say something before I left?” Yunho is ready to leave the apartment but he stops. He put the luggage full of Mingi stuff beside him.

He will scream at me for breaking up with his friends. “Yeah, go on,” Hongjoong replied.

“How you do it?”

“How do I do what, Yunho”

“Pretending you are no longer in love with Mingi,” Yunho asks

“I’m not pretending.” Hongjoong bites his inner cheek. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are, every single time you said you don't love him. And it breaks my heart because two people that I know love each other. Ended up like this.”

“People changes.”

Yunho shakes his head and smiles sadly. “Not lover hyung. They will always find a way to be with each other again.”

✦

Two weeks after the breakup Hongjoong has become a trainwreck. The only times he does something is when he goes to the university, other than that he spends his time on the bed while listening to some sad Spotify playlist. Seonghwa literally dragged him out from his bed when he refused to go out during the weekend. Jaehyun comes to his apartment once a week to make sure that Hongjoong has food to eat.

“For someone who wants to break up so badly with their partner, you really look like Mingi is the one who left your pathetic ass,” Jaehyun starting the conversation while he arranging the groceries that he bought for Hongjoong into the fridge while Hongjoong sitting over the kitchen counter eating the lunch that Jaehyun bought. He really needs to start paying back to Jaehyun for all the foods that he bought him.

“Jae, we have talked about this. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Hongjoong said.

“Then, what will happen? You will let your two years relationship ends like that? Common, everyone clearly sees that you still love him.”

Hongjoong nervously tapping the table. “I do love him. I love him so much.”

“Then why don’t you talk to him?” Jaehyun raised a questioning brow.

“I don’t think I deserve to be with him, Jae,” Hongjoong voice slowly breaks. “He always giving and caring, and I never do anything for him. I think I’m a burden for him. He deserves someone better, not me.”

Jaehyun slowly approached Hongjoong and hugs Hongjoong. “Joong, that is what we do when we love someone. We care and showered them with love. He loves you, it’s never too late for you to fix everything.” Jaehyun comforted.

Hongjoong finally cry.

✦

Hongjoong thinks the universe really wants him and Mingi backs together when he received a text from Mingi, saying that he will drop by later that afternoon to return his spare keys to the apartment. Hongjoong knows this might be the last time he can meet Mingi and talks to him again. Hongjoong has been thinking since Jaehyun went home. He realized how stupid and selfish he was, he should not make such a rushed decision and Hongjoong.

Hongjoong startled when he heard the sounds of someone unlocked the door. He totally can hear his own heartbeat and when the door opened, he sees the face that he has been missing so much. His Mingi still looks the same, with his bright smiles that always melts Hongjoong’s world.

“Hey,” Mingi said, with a smile.

“Hey.” Hongjoong sheepishly smiles back. He can feel the tense air around them. Hongjoong constantly fiddled with his knuckles, weaving his fingers in and out of each other, waiting for what will Mingi said next.

“So, yeah I come here to give you this,” Mingi puts his keys on the coffee table. “I figured you might want that, I mean I will moving out and-”

“You want to move out? From our _home_?” Hongjoong cut in.

Mingi looks at him with confused eyes. “Hyung, we already break up, it will be weird if we still stay together .Also, I already found a new place to settle in.”

“Mingi, I’m sorry for everything please forgive me.”

“It’s okay hyung, you did nothing wrong. Maybe it is true that both of not meant to be.”

“No!” Hongjoong head is pounding from holding back a flood of tears. “I fucked up, I’m selfish. I should talk to you about everything, I’m being unfair with you! Mingi, I love you please forgive me. Please I begging you . I cannot live without you.”

Mingi slowly wrapped his arm around Hongjoong and pulled him close, gently rubbing his arm. Hongjoong sunk into the warmth of Mingi and cry harder. He missed Mingi and his warmth. He misses how Mingi touches can calm him down.

“I'm sorry hyung, I should fight harder for both of us. I love you too. Love, present tense.” Mingi looks down at Hongjoong eyes.

“Can you forgive me? Present or future tense?”

“I will always forgive you, baby. We will sit down, talk about it, we will make it work again. We will ace the ldr. I will love you no matter how far you will fly away from me”

Mingi slowly wiping the trace of tears on Hongjoong face, before a small smile curled on his lips and he kisses the shorter lips gently trailing a thumb across Hongjoong’s cheekbone and down the sides of his neck. Hongjoong blushes and looks away from Mingi’s eyes, gaze lingering on Mingi’s lips. Slowly, and hesitantly, their lips sought each other. Hongjoong trembles, nervous and giddy. Mingi takes a deep breath and rests a hand on Hongjoong’s lower back, gently drawing Hongjoong closer while they both shut their eyes. Their lips meet. Lightly. Gently. Passionately and full of love. The passion that couldn’t be replicated, the love that can only two of them on the whole planet shared.

“We will make it work.” Hongjoong smiles between the kiss.


End file.
